Top Ten Music Musts for Valentines

01. Bikini Kill: Rebel Girl
02. Lords of Acid: The Crab Louse
03. My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult: Sex on Wheelz
04. Ethyl Meatplow: Close to You
05. Pink Floyd: at the Laserium
06. Lords of Acid: Mister Machoman
07. Revolting Cocks: Do ya think I'm sexy?
08. L7: Shitlist
09. Blondie: Rip Her to Shreds
10. Fantomas: Rosemary's Baby

Because sometimes, when the mood is right...
Dirty and Creepy is wicked sexy.

Weird Fear # 5: Feet

It's not so much a fear of FEET as it's a fear of "Athlete's Foot" or any other mystery foot fungus. My brother caught a mystery foot fungus from a pair of Army Surplus boots he bought in the mid-80's. It was disgusting. My father was a runner...and always had blisters on top of blisters on his feet...he would sit in the living room doctoring his feet and it totally grossed me out all the time (I spent a lot of time in my room when he'd do that!) My mother had a wart on her heel the size of a silver dollar, I shit you not...and she had to walk with crutches for about 6 months until they were able to remove it. I can deal with seeing someone's painted toes in a pair of sandals...but if that person has cracked heels or thick callouses or corns or bunions or hammer toes (sorry, Grandma) then I find myself a little queasy.

I wash my hands a lot, in general...but if I touch my feet I wash them with really hot water and lots of soap. Mostly...it's a fear that I'll catch some sort of mysterious oozing fungus and it will spread to my face...or worse: MY EYES. I believe those pussy eye stys are caused by people touching their feet then rubbing their eyes.

1. Please do NOT clip your toe nails in public...I'd rather not know if there are random infected nail clippings laying about.
2. Don't touch your feet and then touch anything I may end up touching.
3. Don't touch my feet and then touch anything I may end up touching.
4. NEVER expect me to touch your feet.
5. If we're sharing a bed or a sleeping bag...wear socks.
6. Do not wear my shoes.
7. Never begin a sentence, "hey, can you check out this fungus?"
8. Never ask, "does this toenail look infected?"
9. No matter what you may have heard...Toe Fucking is NOT Sexy.

Weird Fear # 4: sidewalk grates

Living in a city that's built on top of a burned out city leaves too much room in this neurotic's over-active imagination to dwell on...and I believe this is WHY I have a fear of walking on sidewalk grates...although I'm no professional...so I don't really know where this stems from. And besides that...the same fear follows me when I've traveled to other cities. You know the ones I'm talking about...the big metal sheets or grids that take up much of the sidewalk space. The grids are the worst because you can see part way into the underground, underneath the sidewalk.

Basically, I'm afraid I'll fall through like Alice tripping through the Rabbit's Hole! Except instead of finding a Hooka Smokin' Catapillar chillin' on top of a Shroomy Mushroom I'll be impaled by a bunch of rusted rebar!

To avoid catastrophe I step over or around the grates. If I cannot avoid them, part of my foot must still touch the grey of the sidewalk to be safe.