Weird Fear # 5: Feet

It's not so much a fear of FEET as it's a fear of "Athlete's Foot" or any other mystery foot fungus. My brother caught a mystery foot fungus from a pair of Army Surplus boots he bought in the mid-80's. It was disgusting. My father was a runner...and always had blisters on top of blisters on his feet...he would sit in the living room doctoring his feet and it totally grossed me out all the time (I spent a lot of time in my room when he'd do that!) My mother had a wart on her heel the size of a silver dollar, I shit you not...and she had to walk with crutches for about 6 months until they were able to remove it. I can deal with seeing someone's painted toes in a pair of sandals...but if that person has cracked heels or thick callouses or corns or bunions or hammer toes (sorry, Grandma) then I find myself a little queasy.

I wash my hands a lot, in general...but if I touch my feet I wash them with really hot water and lots of soap. Mostly...it's a fear that I'll catch some sort of mysterious oozing fungus and it will spread to my face...or worse: MY EYES. I believe those pussy eye stys are caused by people touching their feet then rubbing their eyes.

1. Please do NOT clip your toe nails in public...I'd rather not know if there are random infected nail clippings laying about.
2. Don't touch your feet and then touch anything I may end up touching.
3. Don't touch my feet and then touch anything I may end up touching.
4. NEVER expect me to touch your feet.
5. If we're sharing a bed or a sleeping bag...wear socks.
6. Do not wear my shoes.
7. Never begin a sentence, "hey, can you check out this fungus?"
8. Never ask, "does this toenail look infected?"
9. No matter what you may have heard...Toe Fucking is NOT Sexy.